Sunday, May 31, 2009

I'm downloading a trial version of photoshop for when I'm bored (which is all the time). Hopefully it will offer me oodles of fun.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

There are a lot of things going on in my mind right now. The first is my new job. I absolutely love it. The people I work with are so nice and sweet. My managers make me feel really comfortable. And the work really captures my attention and keeps it engaged. I never feel bored or idle. And not only that, I actually find the work enjoyable. The second thing is my future. I'm just so afraid of what's going to happen when I graduate from college. Will I be able to find a job in the midst of this crazy, unstable, and faltering economy? And if I do, will it lead me into a creative and engaging, thoroughly satisfying career? Oh god, I hope so. Thirdly, what type of career do I want? I have so many ideas, but none of them truly hold weight. They all just flicker around my imagination like fireflies that I can't take seriously. The most practical thing for me to do is teach. And I can imagine myself being good at that, but I don't see myself being truly satisfied. Another one of my many ideas, is working for a publishing company. I think it would be really cool to work for like penguin books or random house or something. Maybe being a book editor. All I know for certain is that I want to be really happy and excited with my work. I want to love my career and have it be a large part of my life. The next thing on my mind, is my manic-depression. I have been taking my medication everyday for the past few months. This is very different for me, because I used to skip it all the time. And so now, my moods are stable and for the most part appropriate and proportionate in regard to the situation I'm in. At first it felt great to be normal for once, but now as I get too used to it I feel bored. I miss the mania and the highs and the intensity of all my distorted feelings. The creativity brought on by the moodswings was intoxicating. With the medication, I feel like bits of earth and mud. Where as, without it I feel like fire and light. How do I reach a happy median?

"But if you have had stars at your feet and the rings of planets through your hands, are used to sleeping only four or five hours a night and now sleep eight, are used to staying up all night for days and weeks in a row and now cannot, it is a very real adjustment to blend into a three piece suit schedule, which while comfortable to many, is new, restrictive, seemingly less productive, and maddeningly less intoxicating."

Friday, May 29, 2009

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson Mccullers

This is one of the best books I have read in a long time. The main character is a deaf mute who seems to attract the attention of a town. Everyone tells him all of their secrets, because he can't tell them to anyone. It's so interesting what they decide to tell him. You learn a lot about people through the things they say.
Here are some of my favorite parts:
Dreams came to him when he lay half asleep. And in all of them Antonapoulus was there. His hands would jerk nervously, for in his dreams he was talking to his friend... In his half dreams he saw his friend very vividly, and when he awakened a great aching lonliness would be in him... And so the months passed in this empty, dreaming way.

Because in some men it is in them to give up everything personal at some time, before it ferments and poisons- throw it to some human being or some human idea.

She began talking to him, but it was really more like saying things to herself than words said to him.

The nights were secret, and of the whole summer they were the most important time. In the dark she walked by herself and it was like she was the only person in town.

The whole world was this symphony and there was not enough of her to listen.

When she was with him the main thought in her mind was to store up everything so that later she could live it over and remember.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

we didn't see the fire, but we could smell something burning.

unraveling isn't always a bad thing

I just had a wild therapy session. We worked through so many bad memories and opened so many new doors. I feel like I'm getting better and have a new map for my life. All I see are new open roads right now. I'm ready to travel and progress. My baggage is becoming lighter. And the day is starting to feel new.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I have finally finished the whole cast on thing, but I can't figure out how to do the stupid knit stitch. So strenous on the mind.

freaking finally

Hello, world my name is Kim and I just procured a job for myself!! FINALLY. It only took about ten applications and three weeks to get it. But here it is. A waitrressing gig at Jungle Jim's. I'm so excited to work there. The interior is absolutely fabulous. The decor is super trippy and the people are so darn nice. I'm nervous about carrying trays around with drinks on top and memorizing orders, but I think I can handle it. It will just take some getting used to.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

stolen from shhhhhoma

Rules: Once you’ve read this, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you and then post it.

1. My battery gets charged during the times I spend alone.

2. And yet, without my friends I'd die of sadness.

3. My goal in life is to bust through the seams of my potential.

4. I want to work with literature all day long.

5. I want a cat named Bob Dylan and a dog named Romeo.

6. My worst fear is that I'll die wondering what if.

7. I get good grades, I do my homework, I read 24/7, and my grammar still sucks ballz for money.

8. Praying makes me feel better even though I often think no one is listening. Just the act of sorting my thoughts out and appealing to a higher being is comforting to me.

9. I'm awfully presumptious. And yet, I pride myself on being non-judgemental.

10. ron paul ftw

11. I think the functions and politics of human interaction make for the best conversation.

12. I like to people watch.

13. Audrey Hepburn always makes me want to put on a dress.

14. I hated the great gatsby.

15. I like putting words together so that their truth rings clear like music.

16. The interior design of my life is a mixture of chaos, contentment, yearning, and hope.

it's official

I have a girl crush on sophia coppola.
I finally got a job interview. I am so excited. It's at a place called Jungle Jims. lol. I'll hopefully be working as a waitress.

Monday, May 25, 2009

J'adore all of these photos

Today was a good day. I woke up around 9 then lounged around the house watching movies and reading until 1. I showered and curled my hair and then headed to Newport News where one of my best friends lives. We walked aimlessly around target to blow off time before a memorial day bbq. When the bbq finally started we all ate delicious hot dogs and burgers around a table, telling stories all the while. Afte rthat we had ice cream.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

could we meet here one day

and tell stories side by side

then dance while the sun goes down?

My birthday was magical. I spent the day at the beach with my two bestfriends. We just lounged around in the sun. It felt so good basking in the rays and I walked away with a nice tan (no burn). After the beach we wound up getting chinese food and spending a couple of hours talking with my mom and sister at the dinner table. The five of us just laughed and chatted about nothing and everything at the same time. Then Kaitlyn and Kelsey and I went on a walk around my neighborhood. I loved it. It was all dark and starry. The three of us opened up to each other and told stories about family history and heart ache. From there, we skyped with our fourth friend Kelsey Hodge. It was a great day.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Interesting things I've encountered today

(for some reason I have an urge to touch that brain 0.o)

An essay about emotional intelligence:


There is a great Canadian band that I adore. They're called Stars. And they make the most interesting music. I am in love with "Tomorrow will be better I swear" and "Take me to the Riot." Between the score and the lyrics they make my heart sail. I have been dancing around my room listening to them all day. Their alblum is called "In our bedroom after the war"
I just keep spinning around listening to it. zo good.
I love the male lead singers voice. it's so melodramatic and entertaining.
I also love how their themes focus on never wanting the night to end.

Yay for waking up nineteen

Tomorrow is my birthday. And I am absolutely excited. I have made great plans that will really highlight the day. First, I'll be spending the day time with two of my very best friends Kaitlyn and Kelsey. The weather will be hot, so, we made plans to go to the beach. Then after that I'm getting two much desired gifts from my parents. A new ipod and a new bookbag. I've wanted them for such a long time. After that my family and I are going out to eat at Sals.

Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy. I can't wait to be nineteen.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

thank you Kurt

look at me, look at me

Saturn’s light throws a ring around the moon
and I said my prayers too soon, no one was listening.
There’s a hush on the street
I can hear my own heartbeat, and my lonesome breathing
but my soul’s little bird can still sing:
I want good love, I want it so bad.
It’s a seed stuck in my throat
it’s a weed around my hope
it makes me choke
and I can only breathe outside
or in tall buildings with high ceilings and open doors.
Isn’t there someone out there I am here for?
It takes a will just to make it through the night
when to wait and when to fight, I’m swing-and-missing.
When we meet, will his eyes recall me?
I look for his face everywhere in the dark
and I carry my torch of bright stars, ‘cause I want good love.
Couples kiss across counters and tables
I smile and then look at the wall.
But some people hold hands and they don’t pay attention
like their love is somebody else’s invention.
Our heads say hold back, but our hearts run to strangers and say“look at me, look at me, look at me.”

Monday, May 18, 2009

I have never been so bored in my life

I am so happy school has ended. I was really starting to get sick of the classes and the homework. But now that summer has started... I have never been so bored. I almost miss the stress that I hated a month ago. There is nothing to do and no where to go in this little town.

Monday, May 11, 2009

sweet darlin' come hold me

The night is very cold and I feel like a bag of bones. My toes feel like ice. It's such a change from the 80 degree weather that hung around me yesterday... oi vay.
I went out with my dad tonight. We saw the soloist and then got coffees at the bookstore. I always but new books when I'm there. This time it's a supposedly disturbing memoir called driving with dead people. The main character drives a hearse for her high school job. It seemed like it had my name stamped all over it. So I grabbed it and haven't put it down since. Anyway, the soloist was disturbing and depressing and it seemed like the film maker was more interested in making a point on his political agenda than actually crafting a theatrical tale of two friends. Alas, this is the world today. Still, the film hit a heart string and it is the best of what is available right now.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Right now, I'm just relaxing in my dorm room and listening to indian music. My barefeet are resting up while I sip coffee and watch the curtains dance with the breeze. It's a good day to be alive. The sun is not piercingly hot. Instead it's gentle and warm. And when I move around outside, I feel like the heat is caressing my skin. The water by the pier is dark and wavy. good canoeing weather.

I'm in the mood for writing and spinning in a field of poppies.
Music consists of:

Sunday, May 3, 2009

When I get drunk...

Life Story
by Tennessee Williams
After you've been to bed together for the first time,without the advantage or disadvantage of any prior acquaintance,the other party very often says to you,Tell me about yourself, I want to know all about you,what's your story? And you think maybe they really and truly dosincerely want to know your life story, and so you light upa cigarette and begin to tell it to them, the two of youlying together in completely relaxed positionslike a pair of rag dolls a bored child dropped on a bed.You tell them your story, or as much of your storyas time or a fair degree of prudence allows, and they say, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,each time a little more faintly, until the ohis just an audible breath, and then of coursethere's some interruption. Slow room service comes upwith a bowl of melting ice cubes, or one of you rises to peeand gaze at himself with mild astonishment in the bathroom mirror.And then, the first thing you know, before you've had time to pick up where you left off with your enthralling life story,they're telling you their life story, exactly as they'd intended to all along,and you're saying, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,each time a little more faintly, the vowel at last becomingno more than an audible sigh,as the elevator, halfway down the corridor and a turn to the left,draws one last, long, deep breath of exhaustionand stops breathing forever. Then?Well, one of you falls asleepand the other one does likewise with a lighted cigarette in his mouth,and that's how people burn to death in hotel rooms.

Friday, May 1, 2009

oh pablo

"and that’s why i have to go back
to so many places in the future,
there to find myself
and constantly examine myself with no witness but the moon
and then whistle with joy,
ambling over rocks and clods of earth,
with no task but to live,
with no family but the road."
—pablo neruda

hello hope

We think, sometimes, there's not a dragon left. Not one brave knight, not a single princess gliding through secret forests, enchanting deer and butterflies with her smile. What a pleasure to be wrong. Princesses, knights, enchantments and dragons, mystery and adventure ...not only are they here-and-now, they're all that ever lived on earth! Our century, they've changed clothes, of course. Dragons wear government-costumes, today, and failure-suits and disaster-outfits. Society's demons screech, whirl down on us should we lift our eyes from the ground, dare we turn right at corners we've been told to turn left. So crafty have appearances become that princesses and knights can be hidden from each other, can be hidden from themselves. -Richard Bach