Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A new day.


I had a really good phone chat with my best friend Kait today. We talked about a lot of really important topics in our lives. For me it was my drinking and smoking and casual sexing. And I realized that I need to cut back on the self-medicating, because it's getting me no where fast. It just provides a temporary escape that bares no fruit. And it's dangerous, because I'm becoming addicted to such things. It's not just light fun anymore, it's becoming my lifestyle. And that's bad, because I don't want to be that person.

I need to stop and look at myself in the mirror and change my ways. I need to breathe into myself as am, and find the beauty in that. I need to go back to the simple pleasures that I once indulged in, like staring at the flickering flame of a candle while meditating, watching chick flicks, reading everything in sight, praying, going into nature. These are good things to self-medicate with.

I used to spend hours alone in my room doing arts and crafts, like decorating my walls with pictures from magazines or collaging hard surfaces. I used to spend time looking up quotes on the internet and having deep insightful conversations with my best friends. Now, I just engage in risky behavior.

At first it was fun and all, but now it's just old. And it wears my body down. I'm tired of being that jack ass who's drunk at a  party. I want to go back to being that moderately boyish girl who reads the classics for fun and reads random wikipedia articles for kicks and giggles and who blushes everytime she gets a cat call from a random construction worker.

3 comments:

  1. hi. you smiled at my blog post so i decided to read your blog as well. you are a wise and insightful 19 year old. it's refreshing to read.

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  2. It really was a wonderful conversation. I love you!

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