Friday, February 5, 2010

Did I just write a bunch of stuff about not being able to write anything?

There are still a million things I should be writing about. I should write about the fact that I might have to take part in a procedure that has the possibility of sending my own grandfather to jail. I should write about how haunting the image of my grandmother crying out of devastation is. I should write about the guilt. I should write about how I found this awesome Women's Center near campus filled with effective counselors that will be helping me recover. I should write about my goals for recovery. I should write about my best friends abandoning me when I needed them most and how I'm now left to make new friendships from scratch. I should write about the resentment. I should also write about how much I have enjoyed reaching new levels of friendship with Jenny and Liz. And I should write about how lucky and glad I am that I was able to make such good friends so quickly after losing the old ones, especially now during this crazy series of events. I should write about a lot of things. But I won't and it's not because of that bull shit excuse I used in my last post. It's because I don't want to deal with it yet. I'm not strong enough for the reflection. I'm still exhausted from the mere acknowledgement of all these things. And I don't want the weight of the conclusionary thoughts. So, I won't write about it. For me writing is a way to deal with things. So, yeah. I'm staying away for the time being.

1 comment:

  1. I hope that you're okay, and I will be here to read your story when you are ready to write about it.