I've been especially out of it these past couple of days. I've been sleep deprived, tired, moody, and frustrated. I don't really know what's prvoking these feelings. People ask me what's wrong and all I can say is that it hurts. I ran out of my medicine two weeks ago. All of it. And i haven't been able to see my psychiatrist. I hate how my moods depend on pills. I hate it so much. I just have to make it through today and then tomorrow and a couple more days and then I'll be better. Because that's when I can see my doctor.
I took a late afternoon shower today. I was letting the warm water run over my naked body. I leaned against the wall for support and then slid down to the floor. I just sat there with my knees pulled into my chest and sobbed as the water hit me. I want out of these feelings. I just want a fucking break already.
"The world is not respectable, it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever, BUT, it is shot through with beauty and line, with it's glints of courage and laughter, and in these,the spirit blooms...."