Thursday, November 19, 2009

All I can do is keep breathing.

I've been especially out of it these past couple of days. I've been sleep deprived, tired, moody, and frustrated. I don't really know what's prvoking these feelings. People ask me what's wrong and all I can say is that it hurts. I ran out of my medicine two weeks ago. All of it. And i haven't been able to see my psychiatrist. I hate how my moods depend on pills. I hate it so much. I just have to make it through today and then tomorrow and a couple more days and then I'll be better. Because that's when I can see my doctor.

I took a late afternoon shower today. I was letting the warm water run over my naked body. I leaned against the wall for support and then slid down to the floor. I just sat there with my knees pulled into my chest and sobbed as the water hit me. I want out of these feelings. I just want a fucking break already.


  1. can i say "i understand" without seeming like one of THOSE people? because i have complete and honest empathy for how you're feeling. i hope everything smoothes out for you soon.

  2. I know what you mean, my friends ask me if I have my medication with me if I'm feeling like shit. I'm glad they care.
    I care about you dear, and you'll get out of this loop.