Sunday, November 22, 2009

I've layed in bed all day today, lounging, reading, talking on the phone to my friend Rocky, watching grey's anatomy (which is an amazing show btw). I haven't done hw. Haven't cracked open my bio textbook. And I'm okay with that. In an odd way, I feel like today was very productive. For the first time, in a long time, I feel rested. pure and simple. the kind of rested you can only get from laying in bed all day watching your favorite show and reading your favorite book. I feel peaceful. Not entirely peaceful, but close enough, which is surprising, because I still don't have my meds.

Last night was fun. I went to two different parties with some friends. One was pretty lame. It consisted of cheap 40s, black lights, and highlighters... the next was a little more classy. It maintained a well developed rap off between these two guys. I sat on the stairwell with my friend eric and we played 20 questions while the rest of the world bumped and grinded to the music. Then we went back to my place where we cuddled the night away. He's a really nice guy, whom I enjoy getting to know. I just don't know if I'm ready to like anyone yet.

I say I want deep, mad, truthful,life affirming love all the time. But I never consider the fact that with that love comes hard work, fighting, messy, twisted feelings, and having to worry about the other person. I don't know if i'm ready for that side of it. I don't know if I want it. Besides, I like being alone most of the time. I don't like having to worry about other people with the same intensity that I worry about myself. You may call me selfish. I think I'm just human. I just don't need any more problems in my life right now.


  1. one of my favorite John Lennon quotes fits your day "Time enjoyed wasting is not wasted." and it's true, if you're enjoying the fact that you're not doing anything you're not really wasting your time.

  2. I know what you mean in the last paragraph. It's frustrating to think like that for me, but I know it's the truth.